I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize