haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
