You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize