I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
