filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
