Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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