Can i not drive my cunt home
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
