I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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