why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize