You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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