i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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