Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
