I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
