Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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