new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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