ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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