Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
