AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?