Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bring money and cleavage
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.