It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.