I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.