based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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