He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers