she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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