I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
