I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
