google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
