If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
