He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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