Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
