literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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