Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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