Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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