She's JV to your varsity
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
