I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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