yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
