guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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