i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize