do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
