I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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