im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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