one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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