A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
