i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
