He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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