Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"