The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
ttyl tear gas
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.