My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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