I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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