im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?