Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds