Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO