I am in a vortex of obligation.
just tell him i said nine months
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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