remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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