Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
