My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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